ilang beses mo na bang natanong sa sarili mo yung :
"ito bang ginagawa ko ang dapat ko talagang ginagawa?"
ako, madalas simula nung mag-bente ako…
pero tinatanong ko lang….
hinahanap ko pa rin ang sagot…
baka nasa puso ko. hahahaha
Fixation*
I long for your touch…
I long for your scent…
I long for your warmth…
I barely had you…
Experienced you just twice yet your absence is eating away my insides…
I feel as if I’m rotting slowly…
Whenever I see my fingers, I feel yours entwined with them…
Our hands were made to be together…
The comfort of our temperature combined in the still air around us, air that seemed reluctant to move for it may bother our moment…
The television went mute the moment you sat beside me, afraid to drown the sound of our breathing…
You started leaning towards me and I forgot to breathe…
If being away from you means breathing normally, I’d rather die of suffocation.
Some wise guy from college (aka Prof) told me that we get fixated in stages in life that we don’t finish, e.g., oral stage, where we had to put everything in our mouths. A popular explanation why some people can’t quit smoking… hmm.. I guess I’m stuck in the “You Stage”, I long for that oh-so-illusive closure. I have to chase it no matter what. I’d be stuck on thinking of “What-could-have-been’s” and “What if’s”.
I don’t know when or how I will get over the “You” stage, for now, I’ll keep on nibbling on the bits and pieces of whatever’s left from our times together.
* a partial arrest of emotional and instinctual development at an early point in life, due to a severe traumatic experience or an overwhelming gratification. (http://dictionary.reference.com)
Talented. Yan ang tawag sa malaking porsyento ng kalalakihan, lalo na yung mga may itsura at lalung-lalo na yung akala nila may itsura sila.
Haragan sa mga bolahan ito. At kung Gulliver ang middle name mo, malamang n-times ka nang nabiktima. Parang si…ehehe.
Oo, tanggapin na natin na masarap yung pakiramdam na importante ka, na ikaw lang ang iniikutan ng mundo nung isang tao. Kahit na sabihin nating hindi mo sya gusto, nakakahaba pa rin ng hair.
Pero ang malala nito pag nagsimula ka nang maniwala. Pag tumatayo na ang balahibo mo sa batok kapag sinasabi nya na ikaw ang bumubuo sa Universe. Napapangiti pag naaalala ang [hinayupak na] nagpatibok sa uto-uto mong puso. Saya sa intensity na di mo akalaing posibleng mangyari sa lupa. Yung tipong bangag na di na kelangan ng tulong ng droga.
Sa aking pag-iimbestiga, nalaman kong may mga taong kayang gawin to. Yung tipong she makes up his universe. Mga obsessed! Leche! Haha. Tapon ang social life para sa jowang napagdesisyunan na na syang gustong pikutin, este, pakasalan. Hindi naman to healthy, nakakasakal, nakakatanga, nakakasawa. Kaya sabi ng mga astronaut,
“I need space…”
at magsisimula na ang stages ng life cycle of the star.
Science muna tayo mga bata, eto ang life cycle ng stars na may kasamang ‘EHEM’ (EHEM=Pauso ko lang, oki?):
NEBULA
A nebula is a cloud of gas (hydrogen) and dust in space. Nebulae are the birthplaces of stars.
EHEM: eto yung stage na hindi pa sya nag-eexist para sayo. Just another face in the crowd, yung tipong kahit katabi mo na di mo mapapansin kasi busy ka sa pagkkwento sa kasama mo tungkol sa kahit ano o kaya naman ay busy sa pagkutingting ng telepono mo. Akala ng marami ay insignificant ang mga moments na ganito pero ito ang kadalasang simula ng kalokohan na hilig nilang tawagin na “love” *cringe*.
STAR
A star is a luminous globe of gas producing its own heat and light by nuclear reactions (nuclear fusion).
EHEM: the moment of realization. That spark of light. Eto yung moment ng kadalasang hindi masagot na tanong na “When did you realize that you like him/her?”. Syempre totally unaware tayo dahil pailalim kung tumira ang ganitong panahon. Palusot nga ng iba “It’s subliminal.”. Bigla na lang marerealize na “iba sya sa iba” may kaibang epekto kapag malapit na o kaya pag nakikita. Inaabang-abangan sa khit anong oras ng araw o gabi dahil maginhawa sa pakiramdam makita. (uuuuuy).
RED GIANT
This is a large bright star with a cool surface. It is formed during the later stages of the evolution of a star like the Sun, as it runs out of hydrogen fuel at its centre.
EHEM: eto na. matagal nang mag-on. Yung tipong iniisip na ng friends nila na “Awww. You two look good together, you’re soooo the perfect pair!” (ganito ba kaarte friends mo? ahaha). Yun ang akala nila! Hah! Dito na lumalabas ang mga komplikasyon. Masyado nang matagal magkasama at nagkakakitaan na ng…masasamang traits. Uphill climb na ang pagmemaintain sa relasyon from this point on. GUDLAK!
RED DWARF
These are very cool, faint and small stars, approximately one tenth the mass and diameter of the Sun.
EHEM: congratulations for reaching this point. Ibig sabihin you have accepted the imperfections of your partner. May tibay ang pagsasama, may liwanag ang buhay! Yey? Think again! Hehe. Lumalamig, lumiliit… hindi magagandang adjectives. Hmmm…
WHITE DWARF
This is very small, hot star, the last stage in the life cycle of a star like the Sun.
EHEM: ayun o! very small na lang. hmmm.
Para
siguro to sa mga jegi couples, syempre kung member kayo, di ko na ieexplain. At kung di kayo member, aba kasalanan ko pa ba yun?? Hehe. Bleh!
SUPERNOVA
This is the explosive death of a star, and often results in the star obtaining the brightness of 100 million suns for a short time.
EHEM: the dramatic break-up. Dapat eksena para maging historical event ang paghihiwalay nyo. Kung babae ka, isigaw na buntis ka at wala syang kwentang lalake (note: kung may laman na nga talaga sundutin ang mata ng lalake sabay sipa sa parte ng katawan na hindi nya malilimutan agad). Kung lalake ka naman, tumahimik ka na lang, kung ayaw mong masaktan. Hindi ako biased noh! Hahaha. Overwhelming to lalo na kung medyo matagal na rin kayo at marami nang nagawa together. Sad… but don’t think that this is the end, there’s more. Hehehe
NEUTRON
STAR
These stars are composed mainly of neutrons and are produced when a supernova explodes, forcing the protons and electrons to combine to produce a neutron star. Neutron stars are very dense.
EHEM: Kitams, dahil nga malakas ang impact ng break-up hindi mo na makita kung totoo nang affection o love (that word again*cringe*) na pinapakita ng iba. Ayaw mo lang kasing maging assuming kaya hinahayaan mo lang. Mapapagod yan, sige ka, wag kang tatanga tanga. Get a clue dude! Tadyakan kita eh! Do I have to scream on your face before it finally sinks in?? (haha, sorry, I got carried away…)
BLACK HOLE
Black holes are believed to form from massive stars at the end of their life times. The gravitational pull in a black hole is so great that nothing can escape from it, not even light. The density of matter in a black hole cannot be measured. Black holes distort the space around them, and can often suck neighbouring matter into them including stars.
EHEM: aka BITTERNESS. The by-product of that oh-so-sweet “LOVE”. Latak. Di naman lahat nagiging ganito pero if you’re like someone I know, na strong ang personality, malamang isa ka ring ehemplo ng “spread the jadedness crusade” — (hinga ng malalim and read the following aloud in one breath) taga untog ng mga tatanga-tangang kaibigan na nagpapaloko sa mga jowa nilang hindi mapakali at laging kinakati.
Kadalasang misteryoso at matatapang lang ang nag-aatempt tumibag. Pero kung wala kang tyaga wag ka nang magbalak, dahil ang mga taong to ang pinakamahirap kumbinsihin na may matitino pang tao (lalake?) sa mundo. You have to earn their trust to be worthy of their company. Kung hindi ka matibay baka mahawa ka ng bitterness at mapapagod ang atay nyo pareho kaya go na! hahaha.
Nakakatanga, actually, ako yung tanga. Dahil sa sobrang antok, na delete ko lahat ng laman ng inbox ko. I know, brilliant! Hehe. Naiyak ako. Andun yung text nya na “Lab yah” at yung text nya nung grad. Nakakatanga.
Balak ko naman talagang burahin lahat ng laman ng inbox ko, kaso sa new year pa. Fresh start kung baga. E di pa nagpapasko eh! Kainis naman… sign na siguro na it’s time to move on. Tama na ang pagka-engeng… Tigilan na ang kabaliwan. Magtrabaho na lang. Darating yun kung darating at sana mauntog na, utang-na-loob naman! Kung damit tayo sa loob ng washing machine, durog durog na tayo. Pang ilang cycle na to ah? Ano bah???
Sang bwan na mula nung sinabihan ako ng magic words na hindi ko na pinaniniwalaan. Para kasing dinudura lang. everyday expression. Yung tipong pag nadulas sasabihin “Ay, I love you.”. pag nagulat, “I love you.”. pag wala nang masabi, “I love you”. Andali lang, ‘sing simpleng sabihin ng: “pabiling kendi”, “nauuhaw ako”, “gutom na ko”, “kati ng kamay ko”. Ewan kung bat ganon kadali para sa iba. Pero saken sing dali to (atleast when you mean it) ng pagsigaw sa mataong lugar ng: “Potek natatae na ko”, “ako yung umutot”, “may tinga sa bandang bagang ko at gusto kong dukutin”. Simple lang naman. Dali lang non, mga pang araw araw na sinsabi.
Sana wag na lang sabihin kung hindi totoo. Madali kasi maniwala yung ibang tao.
at dahil nakagawian na, dapat may theme song.. hehe
love you lately (daniel powter)
You packed your last two bags.
A taxi’s ’round the bend.
You used to laugh out loud,
But you can’t remember when.
You lost your lies.
It’s like your moving out of time,
And the whole word crumbles right beneath you.
So, I might’ve made a few mistakes,
But that was back when you would smile,
And we would go everywhere,
But we ain’t been there for awhile.
And this I know,
There’s a place that we can go-
A place where I can finally let you know.
‘Cause I’m the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
We’re the only ones that around,
We’re the only ones that around this Babylon.
I hope you find whatever you’ve been lookin’ for.
Just remember where you’re from and who you are,
‘Cause there’s a thousand lights that’ll make you feel brand new,
But if you ever lose your way, I’ll be right here for you.
‘Cause I’m the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
So, come back and you sit down. Relax.
Everything’s to see that you’ve come a long, long way,
And it’s the place that you should be.
‘Cause I’m the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
‘Cause I’m the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
And we’re the only ones that around,
We’re the only ones that around this Babylon.
yey! sangdaang kalokohan, kakulitan, kapraningan, kabitter-an, at kung anu-ano pa. magcecelebrate ako, inom akong kape! hahaha.
sinimulan ko tong blog na to dahil:
1. nauso
2. bored ako
3. kelangan ng outlet
4. wala, trip lang talaga.
bakit dragon juice?
dragonesa’s juice. iba’t ibang essence, minsan pa-profound, minsan - ay madalas pala - bitter, makulit, minsan basta may masabi lang. pakiramdam ko nga sobrang inexpose ko sarili ko sa blog na to. hehe. buti na lang tanga yung mga pinatutungkulan ko at hindi nila alam na sila yun, kundi…kaput! hehe. naisip ko rin na dapat siguro may kwenta ang ilagay ko ngayon, pero naisip ko, akin namang blog to kaya, watdahel pinigang balat ng kahel, ilalagay ko pa rin to. shet! haha.
ETO NA YUNG TOTOONG POST:
Kelangan natin ng mga komplikasyon sa buhay. Di mo kasi mararamdaman ang saya hanggat di ka pa natatanga. Di ka matututong ayusin ang mga sarili mong gusot kung tatakasan mo lang palagi,may bonus pang multo yan, matatanga ka lalo dahil iisipin mo to hanggat di pa tapos.
Dalwang klase lang yun, yung ikaw ang binibigyan ng komplikasyon o ikaw ang nagpapakomplikado ng buhay ng iba. May pangatlo pala, kung ikaw si hunyo, combo nung mga naunang nabanggit ang category mo.
Di ko rin alam kung bat gusto ko lagi ng gulo. Pakiramdam ko kasi pag masyadong madali, may mali. Praning na kung praning pero yun talaga ang naiisip ko. Sa halos lahat ng bagay o kaya tao. Kahit sinong ka-close ko ang tanungin mo, walang magsasabi sayo na never ko silang hiniritan o binara. Katwiran ko kasi kung di nila kayang tagalan yung masamang side ko e hindi rin sila worth ilaban ng patayan. Kaya nga onti lang yung masasabi kong "True Friends" hehe. Char. Lampas naman sa bilang ng daliri ng kamay at paa kaya siguro marami na yun. Hehe.
Hindi ko naman ginusto pero komplikado talaga karamihan ng mga natatapat saken. O malamang ako lang ang nagpapakomplikado, kasi nga… wala, trip lang. hehe. Ang sakin lang naman, kung di mo na kaya edi umalis ka. Manghihinayang siguro ko pero gaya ng gutom at pakiramdam pag natatae, lilipas din yon kung alam mo ang tamang pagtitiis.
Kung hindi ako komplikado, hindi mo siguro ko matatandaan. Isa lang sa mga napagtripan mo nung wala ka pang magawa. Side venture. Kung hindi ako komplikado, hindi mo ko hahanap-hanapin. Kung hindi ako komplikado, hindi ka siguro babalik-balik. Kung hindi ako komplikado siguro ayos lang sayo na hindi na kita pinapansin. Kung hindi ako komplikado, hindi siguro ganun kasaya ang bawat "meeting" natin noon. Kung hindi ako komplikado, hindi siguro sya kasama mo ngayon.
La naman akong magagawa kung sawa ka na sa giyera. Pwede namang ibang tao awayin. Hehe.
Kaw lang siguro nakaintindi sa lahat ng komplikasyon kong pinapauso. Panalo sa timing. Di ko lam kung tsamba lang lahat yun. Pero alam mo kung kelan yung totoong topak kesa sa topak-topakan lang. Alam mo kung anong gagawin pag sinumpong na ko. Alam mo kung kelan ako hahabulin at kung kelan ako hahayaang magpalamig. Hinahanap ko pa rin yung ganon hanggang ngayon, kaya siguro takot na silang lahat saken. Yung iba wala, ayaw lang. hehe. Ayos lang. hehehe. May kandidato ngayon na gusto kang tapatan. Tatagal kaya? Hehe. Mukang hindi. Pero sana mali ako…
after some years, ngayon ko lang ulit nadinig tong kantang to. katuwa lang. i know isa to sa mga pa-virgin songs at sobrang plain nya pero wag na lang akong pakialaman sa mga gantong guilty pleasures. shet! hahaha. la akong masulat na maayos lately, nagkaon na lang ako ng journal-journalan andun lahat ng kalokohan ko. haha.
nakasakay nanaman ako sa roller coaster, di maintindihan ang gustong gawin, at pag minalas pa, pikit mata lang pag bumabaliktad na ang mundo. nakakahilo pero sana masanay na rin ako sa mabilis na takbo, sa magulong buhok, at sa malakas na pagsigaw.
kiss by kiss
By: emilia
You can’t believe
How did i succeed
I went where no ones gone before
I opened up your heart
And did took through the door
To forevermore
What did i do
I took my time with you
The other girls they moved too fast
I knew the way to make it last
Was take it slow
I let it grow
Kiss by kiss and
Baby touch by touch
Left you wanting me so much
Darling
Kiss by kiss is how i got you
To fall in love with me like this
Now here’s the key
I made you come to me
I didn’t run
I didn’t chase
I played it cool
I gave you space
Before i knew
I was holding you
Made every kiss
Just so hard to resist
I always left you wanting more
Careful not to give it all
I’ve played it smart
I won your heart
Kiss by kiss and
Baby touch by touch
Left you wanting me so much
Darling
Kiss by kiss is how i got you
To fall in love with me like this
Night by night and
Baby day by day
You go to feel that special way
Darling
Kiss by kiss is how i got you
To fall in love with me like this
I wanted you from the start
You know it was so hard
To keep it locked inside me
Afraid to scare you so
Instead i let it show
Kiss by kiss oh
Baby touch by touch
Kiss by kiss and
Baby touch by touch
Left you wanting me so much
Darling
Kiss by kiss is how i got you
To fall in love with me like this
Night by night and
Baby day by day
You go to feel that special way
Darling
Kiss by kiss is how i got you
To fall in love with me like this
Oh yeah
Kiss by kiss
