when can you tell?
when can you really say that it is really over? that you’re finally over him? is it enough that you stopped looking at his friendster profile? is it enough that you deleted his number from your phone book? is it over when you finally stopped talking about him? does the pain stop when you stop seeing him? can you say that you moved on when it stops to hurt when you see him?
i hope that there’s a guide book of some sort where you can refer to a checklist of items stating the signs of having moved on. maybe it will be easier having a list of things to do when you feel like you’ve been left in the middle of nowhere. maybe it’ll be easier if there’s a board that will observe you and give you a certificate that you are fully recovered and you can shout to the whole world that he now means nothing to you, that you have moved on and dont give a crap about him and his girlfriend whom he loves so damn much that you even remind him of her.
from the movie Pirates of the Carribean, (not the exact words),
…we have been thirsty for so long, but cannot drink. for a long time we have been starving to death yet we have not died. for a long time we have longed for the warmth of a woman’s body yet we cannot feel…
i wish that at this point of my life, i too be damned, i no longer want to feel if all i can feel is hurt. i no longer want to drink if i cannot find the fluid to quench this thirst. i no longer want to eat if deep inside i have this hunger that keeps eating me from within.
for so long i have been trying to live my life the way i want it, as hapy as i can make it. i learned to make plans for myself. things were great. that was until i learned to include other people in my plans, everytime i finished planning they always go away, leaving gaps in my plan, things kept on falling apart. i stoped planning, i don’t know when but i just woke up one day with the decision to live only for today, tomorrow never comes anyway. i still make plans but only for myself. revisions are easier than filling gaps, gaps erode the whole plan. and i prefer protecting my plan from outside elements as much as possible. i dont want to make that mistake again….
